That little twat from Ultravox once sang these immortal lines, “It means nothing to meeeee, ohhhh Vienna.”
If that’s the case, why sing a fucking song about it? Midget Ure. WANKER.

Now, it has occurred to me over the years, that there seems to be a severe lack of customer service in companies in all industries over the UK.
The old saying, “The customer is always right” just doesn't exist anymore. It's been replaced with,
“The customer is a fucking cunt.”
I know this isn't just me - it's spreading like an Ebola virus all over the country. It doesn't matter if you are ringing up or in a shop making a complaint. They make YOU out to look a cunt, like it's YOUR fault.

-“Yes, hello I need to speak to someone about my broadband, it's not working.”
-“Ok, let's test the line. No no sir, it's working our end”
-“Well, it's not your end I'm interested in is it. I'm telling you it doesn't work. I have tried other modems, other cables, and the phone line is dead.”
-“Well, I can send an engineer out in 3 weeks time, and a slot of between 8am-8pm”
-“That's just not acceptable. I need it fixed NOW. I'm trying to run a business and I can't do it properly when you’re acting like a MASSIVE CUNT!”
*beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*

-“Yes, hello I bought a blue sofa set from you the other day and you appear to have delivered a red one?”
-“Was it definitely a blue one you ordered?”
-“I know what I ordered mate, do you?”
-“No need to be like that sir, lets have a look on the system. Ah yes I see what's happened, the wrong code was put it. What we need to do is collect it from you and send a new one out. We need to reimburse you then order the right one, and you need to pay for that. All this should take about 6 weeks. Is that ok?”
-“No it's not fucking ok. Why do I have to wait so long? 6 weeks? Then what's all this money shit about. Is it my fault you employ fucking dyslexic joey fucking deacons?”
-“Sir, there is no need for rudeness”
-“Well, if you did your fucking job I wouldn't be talking to you now. A fucking sorry would be nice too.”
-“Sir, I must insist you stop with the rudeness”
-“FUCK YOU CUNT CHOPS”

-“Hello, yes I just bought this freshly made plain cheese sandwich and it has pickle in it?”
-“Can't you take it out, I quite like it?”
-“Well it's not what I ordered ,besides I don't give a fuck what you like.”
-“No need to be like that”
-“Well fucking hell mate, I asked for a plain cheese sandwich, how fucking difficult is that?! Is it my fault your staff are fucking spastics and you haven't even said sorry.”
-“No cheese sandwich for you sir”
-“FUCK YOU AND YOUR SPASTIC SANDWICH SHOP”

And Banks? God those cunts have a lot to answer for. What a mess they have got us into. (Also see Al's Bank rant)
Greedy fucking cunts. And the cheeky fuckers - we the taxpayer bail them out, and they have the fucking cheek to tell us they want to keep their fat salaries and outrageous bonuses?! How the fuck is this allowed to go on? Why aren't people smashing up the city and finding where these greedy cocksuckers  live? Why isn't Gordon Brown putting his fat foot down and telling these cunts enough is enough? It's a total fucking disgrace. And these leftie socialist cunts can fuck off as well blaming it on capitalism. Hmmm, go back to the days of strikes, 3 day weeks, power cuts? Piss off.

I have found that every time I have made a complaint they try to twist and turn it to make it sound like it's your fault. Even when they have clearly fucked up, you're the one that has either got to go to the shop or write letters to prove it was they were at fault. Now what the fuck is all that about? I know we all take the piss out of the yanks but the one thing they DO do right is customer service and hospitality. Why is it so fucking difficult over here? Do they not know the concept of how to run a good business? That good customer relations are what builds a successful company? Jesus, it's hardly fucking rocket science.

And another thing…

The fact there is a lack of basic manners with some people riles the fuck out of me. These are the first things that every child should be taught. If I spoke to people the way some people have spoken to me,  my dad would give me a smack round the ear. And all you cunts who say hitting kids and all that shit, childline stuff. STOP. I'm talking about a clip round the fucking ear, nothing wrong with that. It's all about learning what's right and wrong. Look at how the fuckers take the piss these days - Carrying knives and stabbing. A bit of fucking discipline and parents doing the right thing could nip all this shit in the bud. The place has gone down the fucking toilet. Thieving scum – stabbings - muggings….. Vigilantes – that’s the fucking answer. We need a bit of Michael Douglas in Falling Down action. Crack some fucking melons. Sort these waster cunts out.

I’m not done yet…

Also ban that utter wank they call 'Jazz.'  What cunt had the audacity to class that as music? It's not music, it's a fucking mess that makes my ears bleed. A bunch of wankers on stage randomly smashing notes and causing a racket. Every song goes on for 3 hours, building to this screeching crescendo with everyone wiggling his head like they have 10,000 fucking volts going through them. Well I'd like to plug those fuckers into the mains for real – then let's see how well you play. And I know this because myself and Al have been to a contemporary jazz night. We were stoned and had to leave because we were laughing so much and they didn't like it. Fuck ‘em. The real reason Jazz was invented was for all the cunts who couldn't play instruments properly. CUNTS.

I’M. NOT. FINISHED…

What the fuck is this bullshit about Peter Sutcliffe being recommended for release and classed as low risk. Has this government and previous ones not learnt anything? How much scum has been released after they are classed as no risk, then go out and rape and murder someone within a day out of prison. This guy murdered and raped God knows how many women. I'm sorry but that fucking cunt Sutcliffe should be dead, and if anyone thinks he should be released, then you too are a fucking cunt.

One more thing…

Turnips and Chicory. SHITE.