Or in reality:  Thieving, lying, cheating, parasites!

Where do I start with these pricks?!
I fucking HATE these bastards. Basically, it’s just legalised thieving.

Buying a house is a stressful thing. For most, the biggest transaction of their lives. Something you’re tied to for 20 years or more. It’s a step that should be taken carefully. So for help in sorting everything out who do you turn to? Estate Agents. Weird really, when you consider it’s the metaphorical equivalent of asking Michael Jackson for help finding a child minder. Fucking scum bags! They’re all yes yes yes for anything you ask for. Then as soon as you’re out of the door they’re plotting make as much money out of you as possible in any way shape or form, regardless of how much you get ass fucked in the process.
There is no regulation whatsoever with these robbing bastards.

 Remember that any old twat can be an estate agent(and they’ll always be a twat). Under the Estate Agents Act 1979, anyone can set up in business as one unless they have been banned by the office of fair trading or are bankrupt. But even with the latter they are free to work for another estate agent – just not open they’re own. That explains a lot with these cheating, thieving pricks. There’s nothing to stop them. No knowledge of the housing market or the laws governing the industry is needed. It’s just a free for all. They charge between 1% - 4% commision, so with property being at the scandalous prices they are now, is a hefty little chunk. These cocksuckers will go to any lengths to get their dirty money, too. All that gazumping bollox. Having people think they’ve just bought the property they wanted. Someone’s dream home, or first flat, at last! Then at the last minute pulling the plug unless you can improve your already generous offer. If not, then tough shit, and you don’t get your money back for all administration costs you’ve incurred, and you’re back to where you started.  I bet these wankers sleep like babies at night, too.  Pure scum.

It’s not just on the sales side of things that these people excel in cuntish behaviour. They’re just as morally bankrupt when it comes to renting. London agents are  especially cuntlike in this department. Bond/Deposit? What’s that then? I thought this was a sum of money paid (1 month or 6 weeks rent normally) to ensure the property is returned in good condition. Yet regardless of how spotless you leave a place when you leave, you NEVER get all of your bond back. There’s always some  “maintenance” or “professional cleaning” to be done, which always adds up to a couple of hundred queens heads. Fucking thieves! If these cock juggling thundercunts plied their trade in Saudi they’d have their fucking hands cut off! That would curb their enthusiasm for fucking people in the arse in the arrogant way that they do. Cunts.

 I remember moving into one place with an old girlfriend a good few years ago. We were promised a new bed and sofa as there were none at the property when we viewed it. One bed, one sofa, nothing else. “No problem, I’ll get it all sorted” said the slimy piece of dog shit we were dealing with. When we eventually moved in, there was a new bed in two pieces in the lounge, and no sofa. Of course we phoned this piece of shit back to find out what was happening. All of a sudden this cocksucker is not interested, now he has our money and the contract signed, and is ignoring our calls, telling us it would be there the following day, blah blah. We were sitting on the floor for a week until we were finally given a meagre cheque, AND had to go and sort it out ourselves. A week without a sofa that we were PROMISED before contracts were signed. Rent isn’t cheap in London. AND we got fucked with the bond on that as well. I hope that slimy fuckwank is in a wheelchair today, with stumps for hands. The lying, cheating, piece of SHIT!

What’s with their cars as well. You know the ones? There’ll be a nice new Mini, say, and then there’s an estate agent company name scrawled all over it. I mean what kind of signal does that give out?! Be a lying, cheating, thieving piece of shit, and you can have a nice car and lots of money. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!! It just makes me want to squat on their bonnet and take a massive shit. If there’s one thing these wankers don’t deserve, it’s a nice car. Still, it’s always good when I see one in a smash. It puts a smile on my face anyway.
Never be afraid to run your keys along the body of these cars. Believe me, the car is NOT happy being owned by such a waste of a life.

a cunt drives this car

There is a way for estate agents to sort themselves out and gain respect however. It’s simple, it really is. If you’re an estate agent and you don’t want to be looked at with disdain, as a complete waste of oxygen, like the piece of shit that you are, then there is a way. Just follow these steps.

What you’ll need:

1 ltr premium vodka
1 large bottle of sleeping pills

What to do:

Take 1 sleeping pill, and wash it down with 1 shot of vodka.
Repeat until death.