Cock cunt and quim. Well i'm back with part 2 of my transport rant. I hope you enjoy this one as much as part 1. I got some good feedback from people. Ken Livingston told me that he would look into my Bus and cyclist problem as soon as he's sorted out the nazi's. Tony Blair also sent me a message blaming that Fat cunt Prescott over all the road problems. Always blaming somebody else that cock. Transport for London told me they are aware of the problems but as usual aren't doing fuck all about it. Lets not start sucking each others cocks just yet on that one. Enjoy crazy fuckers. Got an opinion? Let me know . I might just tell you to fuck off.

Airports 
Well well well. Hmmmmm. They are fucking shit aren't they. Yes they ARE. We fucking hate them. Yeah we all get excited when we are going on holiday, but the worst part is the airport bit. It’s a big fuck off building that holds all the biggest, thickest fucking arseholes in the cuntry. A bit like Las Vegas. People walking,running,sleeping,drunk,pikeys with tattoo's/kids all over the fucking place. London has two big busy airports. Heathrow and Shatwick. Most flights in and out start at 5.30/6 am. So why when i get a fucking flight at that time in the morning is there only one fucking shit coffee bar open. Not any other shop open. Its a fucking disgrace. They tell us to get there 3 hours early now, and when we get there it’s like a fucking graveyard except for us cunts queing up.Its meant to be one of the busiest airports in the world. Open the fucking shops, cunts.
Why is there never enough security people?!! The fucking queue for the x-ray. You see 4 of the cunts turned off. Get more people you wankers.
Don't put info monitors in the fucking middle of the concourse throughout the airport you cunts. It blocks all the fucking gangways up with dozy cunts staring up in the sky trying to remember what fucking gate their flight is. Get out the fucking way you thick cunts.
Why when you are queing up to check in, (online obviously if it ever fucking works, BA) you have been in the queue for 20-30min. The person in front of you goes up to the counter. He has no passport,ticket or confirmation number ready. WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN DOING CUNT?!! SORT YOURSELF OUT!! Then he or she or fucking family are there at the desk for 15min. What are you fucking doing. Talking about the weather, the price of fucking fags, the cost of living. I don't give a fuck. Take your ticket and FUCK OFF. It takes me 5 mins. Shatwick is by far the worst airport. Full of pikeys, shit shops, far too many stupid people. I fucking dread going to that airport. Your return flight always seems to land about 11pm. Then you know you will have to wait at least an hour for your baggage. Sort your shifts out you baggage handling cunts. Always going on strike, always fucking moaning about some shit. Well moan about my middle finger. I know for a fact they earn fucking good money, and there is shit loads of overtime. So what’s your fucking beef, you wankers? Do some work and stop
being lazy cunts. Don’t all do the same shift. Spread it over the day would be a start. Instead of having only 4 people to cover the whole airport after 10pm.
Why does the BAA insist on trying to cram as many flights into a day. Every fucking day circling round and round London in a holding pattern. Stop being fucking greedy with your landing fees. Fucking wankers. The bad news is there is a good possibility that BAA is gonna be bought by a spanish company. God help us all.

Airlines
Let’s start with the charter airlines. I recently saw a tv advert for Fist Choice telling me that their airline seats have more legroom than any scheduled airline and they are cheaper or there abouts. Well you could charge me £1 for my ticket and give me a fucking sofa but I will still not use them coz I dont wanna sit on a fucking plane next to a pikey family of five. The Dad's fucking huge and covered in tattoo's. The mum is sitting there swigging the bottle of vodka she bought in duty free and asking the trolley bird for glasses of cola with ice. The kid is kicking the fucking shit out of the chair in front or trying to pull the flip down tv out of the ceiling. The other kids are running up and down the plane kicking the fuck out of each other. There are dozens of babies screaming. Its like a fucking asylum. Totally out of control. And whats with all the fucking clapping when it lands? What are you, fucking american?. And just when you think you can escape all the noise, you plug in your headphones to watch a movie and the head phone socket is fucked! This in reality is what you get when you go charter.

Schedules airlines.
 So called because they stick to a schedule, pretty much the same every day. Well why cant you ever take off on time then cunts. Always delayed. Oh sorry there is a technical problem. Technical my arse! You just didn’t sell enough seats. Or your mechanics are shit. Also the cunt that gets on the plane last after we have all waited for 15 mins. The cunt that the captain goes on about ' they are just trying to find his luggage now to take it off the plane.' Well that cunt should be named/shamed and banned from flying ever again. Just to fuck him off, as he takes his seat thinking he has made it. Security should come on the plane. Grab him and chuck him out onto the tarmac. Make the cunt find his bag in the hold then fucking leave him there. Because of that thick useless cunt we have missed our slot and end up waiting another hour.

Hhhmmmm delicious airline food. I don’t want fucking cold pasta salad you cunts or a fucking manky sandwich with one slice of processed cheese and a tub of mayonnaise in it. I AM NOT AN ANIMAL. Now the tight cunts are charging you for drinks bar a few airlines. The stress of eventually getting on the plane after the airport and check in, delays and having to sit in a seat made of tin for 3 hours, the fucking least they could do is give us a couple of JD’s. But no, we pay £320 for one. You ask for a glass to drink your duty free and your not allowed.

How fucking dare they tell me what I can and can't drink.This fucking fuel surcharge bullshit. They knew the fucking risks of gambling over the price of aviation fuel, and in the end its us the customer that pays for it. The price of fuel has gone up for everybody. But do Taxi's/Buses/Trains charge anymore. I didn’t think so. Fucking greedy cunts. We know how fast a plane can go. So put your fucking foot down you cunt instead of trying to save fuel. We fucking paid for it.
What’s all this captain and first officer shit all about? Them cunts on the flightdeck. So at the start of the flight the captain comes on and introduces himself and the first officer. Then he tells us his first officer will be flying the plane today. Why? I don’t think I have been on a flight when the fucking captain has ever flown. So what the fuck does he do? Well my little spunk bubbles, he sits there talking shit about how he flew planes in the RAF and had a couple of scrapes, quaffs shit loads of champers, has his cock sucked by the senior hostess then sleeps. Greedy, avaitor glasses wearing cunt. And why do they think they can tell us what the weather is like up 35000 feet. Trying to predict the weather is like trying to eat a roast dinner with no mouth. You fucking cunt. So why tell us that there will be good flying conditions all the way to your destination, then sit in fucking turbulence for 2 hours. You fucking massive cunts. I think they just get bored and actually fly around looking for it just to put us through discomfort. Well I will show them discomfort when they have to eat their fucking business class meal through a fucking straw.
What’s with these cunts with their hand luggage. Hand luggage should be a small bag. A rucksack for example. Not a fucking suitcase that takes up the whole fucking compartment, so us fuckers have no room to put ours. What don’t these people understand. They will soon when I pour molten lead over their hands so that it is impossible for these cunts to ever carry 'hand luggage' again.
I believe two new airlines should start up. I shall call the first airline 'FAT CUNT AIRWAYS' , the second is, 'LOUD CHILD AIRWAYS.' I think both names speak for themselves. Lets start with fat cunts. They should be screened when they check in. If you are classed as a fat cunt, then you should be made to buy two tickets or you don’t fly. Also no food is to be served to these cunts under any circumstances, only water. Let it be a lesson. And they fucking stink.
Loud kids. What can you do with them. As babies, they don’t understand what the fuck is going on. I can accept that. What I can’t accept is, why bring them on the fucking plane in the first place. They don’t understand, yet you fucking insist on putting the little fuckers through misery by sticking em on a plane for fucking hours just because you wanna  fucking holiday. Well take a fucking holiday to Blackpool you inconsiderate cunts. Some people.
What the fuck is that stupid little map all about on a flight. Charting your progress across the world on what looks like a drawing done by a 6 yr old. Fucking stupid little white plane, turning and twisting across the map like its got a fucking twitch. If the plane actually twisted and turned like that then it would literally be raining metal. Fucking lovely sitting on a plane for 10 hours and you see a little map reminding you that you are 9 hrs and 25min from your destination. A head wind of 25 mph. Altitude, blah blah fucking bollox. Why do they think I want to know how high we are? Fucking sick cunts. 35000 feet, 550 mph, bumping all over the place. Nice, thanks for that. Just put your fucking foot down, and find the tail wind at 100 mph.
People who fuck around getting up and down all the time, opening the luggage compartment, walking up and down the plane and want to talk all the time. Well they can all go and fuck themselves. I know some of the seats are like sitting on a concrete wall with cut glass cemented into it, but just fucking do one.
What the fuck is that curtain shit all about in business class. Yes well all want to fly in business and laugh out loud at all the pikeys in economy. But this curtain shit across the gangway on the plane? Just stop. What the fucking hell do they think it is? Some sort of magical weapon? When the plane crashes, does it become a magic forcefield where the business section is all intact, and everyone in business survives while the rest of us are having our body parts picked up all over the place? Does it create a sound barrier where all the noise from pikey class doesn’t penetrate the business class? I never knew curtains had all these magical properties. It’s probably the same cunts who seem to think that if your a fat cunt by drinking diet drinks your gonna lose weight.

Trains

If you travel by train you must have a bottomless wallet. Planes they say are the safest form of travel. Well trains are the most fucking expensive, stink of piss, and look shit. What’s all this franchise shit as well? We all slated BR, but for fucks sake loads of different companies all offering different tickets and prices. And who the fuck designs the logos and colours on these fuckers. Designed by retards with the I.Q of a melon with aubergines for fingers. What's all this 5000 different types of ticket for the same fucking journey shit all about? If I am going to York from London I just want the cheapest ticket. I don’t want some website giving me the option of 20 different types at massively different prices. You then have to click on the 'conditions of carriage.' lets call this 'Conditions of being a cunt' for our purposes. This tells you when you can travel, what fucking day/time, what you can take i.e a bicycle, when you have to come home blah blah blah, fuck off you cunt. They say book weeks in advance. I don’t fucking know where I am one day from the next, and why the fuck should it be cheaper anyway? If I buy a cheap ticket does the train go slower than if I buy a more expensive one. Why is the ticket more expensive on the day? Why? Well, I call it ' treat the customer like a cunt' Lets rip them off, then we can put a fucking buffet trolley on there. Smashing his fucking way down the aisle, bottles clanking all over the place. Want to sleep? no fucking chance. I'll wake the cunt up by either smashing his foot off with my trolley or shouting 'drinks, food anyone'. Well I'd like to smash that fucking trolley round his fucking melon. So the trolley man gives you a cup off tea, club sandwich and monster fuck off bag 50% more of heart attack walkers salt and vin crisps. That'll be £326.47p. Holy shit and corruption! Where the fuck do they get their prices from. Is inflation running at 300% in the train industry? I don’t think so. It all comes back to this treat the customer like a cunt. The fucking cup of tea is hotter than the sun. Well I'd like to throw it over his face and give him a new look of the 'elephant man' variety. And what the fuck is all these little station shit all about? If I want to go to Manchester from London, that’s where I want to go. Not fucking via 20 fucking stations on the way. Fuck all this stopping at shite places in the middle of bum fuck no where! No one gets on at these places anyway and you'd shave 3 hrs of the fucking journey time. Fucking wankers, treating us like cunts again. And how the fuck can they charge £400 for a business class ticket to Manchester anyway. Fuck I can go to New York and back for less. Work that cunt out. We all use them, but the fucking excuses when they break down. Leaves on the fucking line. LEAVES. What the fuck?! I was under the impression that this cuntry had some of the best engineers in the world. I now know that this cuntry also has some of the biggest cunts in the world. Who the fuck designed these contraptions? A fucking twat with the I.Q of a tub of lard with hazelnuts for fingers, that's who. LEAVES, you fucking cunts. 'Oh no, there's leaves on the track, the brakes won't work.' You thick stupid wankers! Many years ago I used to commute to London using this pile of wank. I would pay £1200 a year for the privilege of standing all the way to London and back home, crushed together by the wankers trying to read the fucking Guardian. Cunts. The fucking toilets never work. Or if they do I wouldn't let a dog take a shit in one. They're that fucking disgusting. The little sign says please do not flush when in a station. Don’t fucking tell me when and I can and can't flush the fucking bog. All the stations stink of shit and piss anyway, the fucking tramps add to that.

The Tube

It’s fucking great when it works. The quickest way to travel in London. Alas, we pay a price for this, cocksuckers. Hot and stuffy. Shit expensive. Dirty. Always breaking down. People killing themselves on the track. And closes at 12pm in the busiest capital city in the world. Why does it close so early? Well its for track and signal maintenance. Lets do some basic math here. It doesn’t need the Hawkings to tell me that the tube has been running for a fucking long time nearly 100 years. So if maintenance is carried out every night, then they should have replaced all the track and signals for not only our tube network but every other fuckers underground network as well. What the fuck do they do down there? I tell you what they do. They fucking clock in, eat some food, chase rats, watch a DVD, sleep, read a book, clock out and go home. I fucking fail to believe that if there is that amount of fucking work going on in the night then,
1. Why, when i get the tube every day, is there a delay of a signal or track problem?
 2. Tubes breaking down all the time
 3. No air con of any sort. Fuck it was invented in the 60's
 4. Why when i have waited 10 mins for a tube, get on it, it goes 300m down the track then grind to a fucking halt and the driver says that there is a problem ahead. It cant be a fucking train as I have just waited 10 fucking mins for one. Why are the cunts always going on strike. Shit they earn a packet, easy hours, free travel for family, healthcare, pension. How fucking hard is there job? Sitting on their arse pushing a stop start button. Or writing up notices about how fucked each line is today on a whiteboard. Stop your fucking moaning you greedy cunts. And learn English. I can’t understand a fucking word the drivers make in their announcements, or the cunt on the platform. Whats with the barging on the tube in the morning. THERE IS NO MORE ROOM, FUCKING WAIT YOU CUNT! Get up earlier you cunt instead of making it even more uncomfortable than it already is. Those fucking tramps that come round asking for money and them fucking slav gipsy illegals with their children who just smile at you clutching their kid, and holding out their hand for cash while the other kid is trying to nick your bag. FUCK OFF ALL OF YOU! Leave me the fuck alone! It’s so fucking loud on the tube that talking is a fucking waste of time. Fuck off you broadsheet cunts with your Guardian/Telegraph/Observer and you arm rest greedy cunts. Cunts with massive luggage stuck in the doorway, you can go fuck yourself. Tourists can fuck off as well, walking around like cunts with the I.Q of a foetus. Staring at the fucking tube map like its some sort of Krypton Factor puzzle. It’s a simple colour coded map for fucks sake.