Cunt and Fuck. Right you quims the Roberts is back with his new rant. I will start off by saying the CAR is the king of the road. FACT. Not the fucking bus,motorbike,taxi,cyclist, or pedestrian. This will be a long rant, and you WILL agree with me.
We pay the most road tax,the most for petrol, and what do we get for all the billions in tax we pay to the Dept of Transport? We get shit fucked roads with potholes so fucking big and deep, I recently found an entire new village of people living in one. Illegal immigrants are setting homes in some of them, I shit you not. Then we get speed cameras every fucking where. Do they make any difference? I don't have a problem if it's near schools or in towns, but on a fucking dual carriageway where the limit is 60mph, then goes to 40mph coz of the camera then back to 60 after. What the fucking fuck is all that for?! Who benifits from that, how many lives has it saved?
Traffic lights. They are there for a reason we all know that. However, there are places where they are just a fuck up, create havoc and jams. My idea is simple. Have you ever noticed how well the traffic runs when they are fucked? It's everyone for themselves and it works. The traffic runs smoothly. Fucking get rid of them. Cunts.
Buses
Well, we gave them their very own lane. Well, fucking use it then, cunts. You get one behind another. The one behind can't be bothered to wait for his mate in front to go, so he pulls out across two lanes of CAR traffic and blocks OUR lanes up. As he fucks about doing this, his mate in front pulls off. Fucking wait you cunt! On average, a bus is at a stop for 2 min taking passengers as most have travelcards, so why do they have to pull out. Fucking WAIT! Also, I have noticed that in places they have their own set of traffic lights at certain junctions. This is so they have priority over major junctions before we CAR drivers do. That's fine, but what is fucking out of order is if their light is red and ours is green they fucking try to force themselves into our lane. Fucking WAIT, you cunts! I believe highway code law 58 states that we must give way to buses at all times. I have just introduced a new law. Law 624 states that all buses are cunts, and we should not give way at any time. I will say that cars,vans, or anything other than a bus that stops in bus lanes are also cunts, as this only adds to the problem of traffic.
Big fuck off long bendy length of a 747 buses that I see in London are a fucking great idea. What a cunt. So it goes round a corner, takes the width of a fucking motorway to do it and blocks 3 lanes up. It trys to cross 3 lanes of traffic to get onto the other side. It blocks 3 lanes of traffic. It might not occur to the people in charge of London roads, but you can't actually make the roads any wider in London unless you start moving fucking buildings. The only place for these beasts is the fucking airport, where the space is wide enough to manouvere the fuckers.
Cyclists
Cyclists. Yes, lets all get fit and cycle around the cuntryside. Very nice, but in towns or cities it's every man or woman for him/her self. Are the majority of cyclists colour blind, with a particular problem with seeing RED? Are they above the fucking law? What does the colour red mean in a traffic light? It fucking means STOP. I don't fucking care if they say the road was clear. The law is there for a reason, without it there would be carnage of an unprecedented scale. Get rid of the traffic lights like i said earlier, and you can do what you want. Until then, FUCK OFF. Pavements, I didn't realise they were made for bicycles as well. I was happily walking down the street through London the other day, when some cunt comes tearing down the pavement telling people to get the fuck out of the way, ringing his bell, the cunt. How fucking dare they! Next time the only ringing will be from my hands, around the cunts neck.
What silly cunt thought putting cycle box's at the front of traffic lights in the CAR lanes was a good idea? Just when you want to keep the traffic moving ,you get 20 to 30 fucking bikes in front of you all pulling away slower than a cunt on a pot of glue. All in the road in front of you, swerving all over the fucking road, waiting for a fucking stack carnage scene from the Tour de France, that we all love watching I might add. Fucking twats.
Motorcycles
I call them instant death machines. Put one in the hands of a crazy man and its like a scene from Apocolypse Now. Don't do it kids.
Mopeds
Twats! Use the fucking bus lane, and stop hogging the car lane.
Lorries
Yes, the 45ft juggernaut. Every car drivers friend. No, sorry, every car drivers fucking nightmare. Some of us I'm sure listen to the traffic report, and every day there must be an accident involving a lorry on a motorway. Normally that lorry has jacknifed. Why? Well there are lots of reasons. Most blame us car drivers cutting in front of them. I say that sometimes this is this reason, but the other 99% of the time its them. Fucking tailgating each other up the motorway with barely a tampons width between each other. The one in front brakes too much and bang-crash-swerve-bollox-utter carnage. Or they take the fuse out of the limiter, and now you have a loaded weapon capable of doing up to 70 mph. All fucking lorry drivers should have at least GCSE Physics. Why? Well its quite simple. I will put it into easy english for you. The laws of physics state that a fuck off long heavy fully loaded body travelling at 56 mph when having to stop abruptly, will cause utter fucking untold carnage, if said cunt is driving like a cunt. Law 2 states that, if the said fuck off lorry is carrying a full load it would be advisable to spread the load evenly, not all on one side. So that when said cunt turns a corner at high speed, the lorry and all its load will spill fucking everywhere and close the road for hours and fuck everyone off. Law 3 states that you should know the height of your truck. If said cunt is approaching a bridge with a sign on it that says, 'NO MORE THAN 6M', it is there for a reason. Do not attempt to go under the bridge if you dont know the fucking height of your truck. Lastly, what the fuck is all that 2 way radio shit all about? Convoy cunts. Stick your big 10 4 rubber cunty shit up your arse. Wankers.
Taxis
We make our own rules and do what we want. Stop where we fucking like. Don't indicate. Basically, we own the roads and everyone else fuck off. Well I have a different view for these rip off cunts. We all use them, we all love em when its cold and pissing down. But lets not take the piss, eh? We all watch the meter ticking away. So why is it, when you get one, the driver decides to drive like its 1895. He comes up to the lights, you see it's green, and your thinking come on cunt, put your foot down, you'll make that. But no, he slows down, it goes amber, and you wait some more.Then the cunt gives you a load of old shit about traffic being bad, and that we should go another way. All in all, a journey that should cost £8.00 costs £46.50, AND the cunt expects a tip! Fuck OFF.
Drivers
We all know there are many people on the road whole shouldn't have licences. I make it about 85% of the driving population. The car is like a fully loaded M16 assult rifle. Put it in the hands of a retard - and carnage will ensue. Well the consequences are not worth thinking about. Put 'Raymond' from Rainman at the wheel of a double decker bus fully laden with passengers on the roads of Paris particularly round th e Arc de Triomphe. I think you understand. Well, this is a major problem that needs to be addressed. There are many solutions. You could make everyone do a test every 5 yrs, but thats not very practical. Make the test fucking harder is a start. If you fail 3 times, thats it. No more fucking chances. Cos, if its taken you 3 times, what does that tell you about what sort of driver they are. I would very much like to hear from anyone who has ideas about tackling this major problem on our roads.
Airport and Planes and Trains
Due to space and time this section is too big to put on this rant. However let me know of any quim that winds you up about airlines, airports or trains/railways and i will endeavour to put it in my next rant. The dossier on these cunts is quite big.
e-mail from Riain
I have to agree with you about the buses,while living in London for two years I managed to get kicked off three.Although not unique to London bus drivers the world over are a very special breed of Bollix.While waiting for a bus on Tottenham Court Road last christmas,my bus arrived but due to traffic congestion was unable to get to the stop.It pulled up about 5foot short.Now being the amiable,community spirited chap that I am and being the only one at the stop I decided to walk to the bus to save him from pulling in at the stop and opening the doors.
I should point out that I was a bit worse for wear having enjoyed a few sherries after work but wasn’t completely mullered.So I knocked on the doors and asked him to open up to which he ignored me completely.I walked back to the stop and just got more and more annoyed as I waited for the traffic to pass and the bus to pull in.I was after all only trying to help him out.
So eventually up pulls the bus and on I hop and at this stage I’m pretty pissed off and so I ask Mr.Prick bus driver why he wouldn’t open the doors for me?He says in his best bosmanian that its against the rules and that he doesn’t have to explain to me anyway.So I call him a prick and tell him he can fuck off for christmas and go to take my seat,which seemed like a truly rational thing to do at the time.As I’m walking away he starts calling me the prick and tells me to get the fuck off his bus as if he owned the friggin deathtrap!I turn around and start shouting at him and calling him every name under the sun to which he returns the favour but as this is happening and the bus has yet to leave the stop the rest of the passengers start shouting at me to get the fuck off the bus
So I did what any drunken Irishman would do I told them all to go fuck themselves,got off the bus and punched it full force as it drove away.I woke up the next day with two dislocated fingers for my trouble.
Fuckin buses.
R |
